Want To Go Into Mediation/Become A Better Mediator? Read This

Brief note: I wrote this article in answer to a mediation assignment question bothering on strengths I possess that make me a better mediator and instances in which I have effectively applied each of these strengths to make some impact, so while reading, you’d notice the article is written in first-person not the regular third-person point of view for articles of this nature.

In all, enjoy the read, feel free to comment and please share the article :)

STRENGTHS FOR EFFECTIVE MEDIATING

Definition

These are traits a mediator must possess to be able to effectively and efficiently mediate over disputes.

Strengths possessed

Strengths for effective mediating that I possess, at the moment, are:

1, Trustworthiness

If I was to objectively score myself on my level of trustworthiness, it wouldn’t be difficult to fairly get a hundred out of hundred percent 😆. My ability to inspire trust helps me easily get parties to talk freely and openly, in a manner as to truly reveal underlying interests beneath the positions they visibly project.

When parties mediate, they want a high level of confidentiality. They also want the mediator to be someone they can trust if they are to disclose things they normally wouldn’t disclose to a third party. In mediation generally, it is a cardinal principle that when parties don’t speak out, there definitely can’t be a successful mediation session that not only resolves disputes but also enable parties arrive at an agreement they would happily abide by when it’s time for enforcement of that settlement agreement.

One case in which I put this strength to practice while mediating was a matter between a guy and his girlfriend he was having some issues with at the time. Because I was trustworthy, both parties disclosed to me even things they couldn’t disclose to themselves as partners in a relationship. Armed with this knowledge of what the true problems at hand were as against the superficial ‘problem’ being projected on the outside, I was able to settle the dispute then, and up till today, they’re still in the relationship they almost dissolved then 😊.

2, Dedication

Just like professionals in other fields like medicine, engineering etc, a mediator must show serious dedication to matters before him. He must be punctual to mediation sessions. He must also diligently work with parties from the preparatory stage through all other stages of dispute resolution by mediation until the dispute the eventually resolved and a settlement agreement is entered into.

I noticed my ability to be very dedicated to things I am involved in when I tried creating my first company 😃. During this period, I channelled my time, energy, inherent, self-taught and acquired abilities into building the company’s first and major product as well as pushing this product to customers via different forms of advertising. I was also very punctual at meetings and I was sure to adequately prepare ahead of meetings with my co-founder and other contractors we got for different projects within the company.

Applying this strength to mediation would nudge clients into being readily interested in genuinely resolving the dispute and working out an agreement 👌.

3, Active and Effective Listening

To put it succinctly, many are good at hearing generally, but only a few are good at actually listening. I am one of these few 😋. I discovered I possess the ability to actively and effectively listen to parties’ to get the actual “gist” of their contention.

Unlike a law court judge who acts on parties’ positions and arguments supporting these positions, a mediator acts/is to work with parties’ underlying (and often initially unexpressed) interests. To be able to effectively do this, such mediator must be a good listener not a mere hearer.

Some time ago, I mediated between two of my relatives. One thing I noticed while mediating was that all these while before submitting to my (informal) mediation at the time, during their several face-offs, parties have been clearly stating their underlying interests, not even their positions (as parties in disputes normally do). Because they weren’t effectively listening to each other, the real problem was right in front of them, yet they kept chasing shadows. To cut it short, after I stepped in to mediate, the dispute was resolved in less than two hours 😎.

4, Creativity

Like some of my strengths I now know of, my ability to be very creative was also fully discovered when I started my first company — an app development company. At the initial stage of building the company’s first major product, we faced several issues which were beyond my co-founders’ technical skills. These bottlenecks were nonetheless surmounted by my ability to creatively think up and apply solutions to sail through each of the hurdles one after the other 🤞.

A mediator must be creative. He must be a visionary with an open mind. He must be able to see things from unconventional perspectives. This is because in practice, more often than not, solutions to problems usually come from the most unpredictable places, and it takes a creative person to be able:

To see this non-obvious solution to a problem, refine it, then apply it to the problem or;

To properly connect many far-fetched dots into cohesive solutions he can suggest to parties.

5, Ability to properly manage mediation sessions

A mediator must not lose control of the mediation process. Setting ground rules for mediation are as important as the actual mediation exercise itself. Heading a mediation session involves providing a firm but sensitive control of the process of mediation.

The significance of this control is very evident when mediation sessions aren’t controlled and parties can easily interrupt one another, hurl all manner of words at one another, and even go as far as assaulting one another right in the room where mediation is going on. Thus, when the process isn’t managed, there can be no real, properly conducted mediation exercise and resultant settlement.

As someone who has lead several teams within and outside the school setting, I have duly observed this leadership strength in me, and I believe it would go a long way towards helping me become a better mediator — a mediator who can effectively manage the process of mediation 😇.

This strength of mine was also tested when I mediated between my relatives I briefly spoke about earlier. Prior to my stepping in to mediate, parties have been very abusive towards each other, but after providing that requisite level of firmness to the ‘negotiation’, a ‘truce’ and resultant agreement were reached.

- Article by Adegoke Mayowa Samuel who’s reachable via email address mayowalicious@gmail.com; Twitter handle @LifeOfMayowa; and Instagram username @LifeOfMayowa ☺.